Hard Times are Good Times

Restaurant Review

Hard Times Café—four stars

Address: 314 Jefferson Davis Hwy, Freddytown,VA

If you’re a smoker—recreational, heavy, light, or closet—Hard Times is a must stop. Even if you gave up the nasty habit, yet, on occasion, love getting that soothing nicotine rush, head on over to Hard Times. It’s a veritable smoker’s heaven; and it’s one of the only restaurants in town that offers the persecuted minority the option of lighting up.

Business is booming, and rightly so. Since the new smoking regulations have taken effect, Hard Times has a hammer lock on the smoking crowd.

The owners of Hard Times should fall down on their banded knees and worship former Gov. Tim Kaine. For it was he who introduced his non-smoking restaurant laws, which, in the case of Hard Times, has led to very Good Times. Kaine would have loved to have rubbed out smoking in restaurants altogether; in fact, I’m surprised he didn’t introduce legislation prohibiting smoking on Mars, carrying with it the death sentence. In any case, the pro-smoking lobby (huge in VA) carved out a compromise which allows smoking in restaurants where there are smoking and non smoking rooms which contain separate ventilation.

So every smoker with half a brain (most have just ¼ left) know it’s the place to go. You can puff away unabated, in perfect peace, without the stigma of being a smoker. So when you’re having a cold one and the nicotine urge hits, you can actually torch up on the spot, rather than having to creep out to the streets, light up and have passers by gawk and treat you like a pariah. And just wait for winter. Consider this: you’re dining at a non-smoking establishment when evil urge strikes and you’re suddenly overwhelmed by the desire for a smoke; outside the snow is piled high, the sidewalks are veritable skating rinks and the temp has dropped into the teens. Now who the fuck is going to want to step outside and freeze their balls off for a smoke?

On a lighter, or should I say brighter side, I quit smoking (for the 43^rd time) recently, but periodically I’ll bum a cig or smoke a good cigar, especially when sipping one of my famed dirty martinis. Yes, I’m aware of all the risks: lung cancer, throat cancer, emphysema, bad breath, yellowing of toe nails, heart disease, bad breath, hair loss, yellow teeth, bad breath, erectile dysfunction, clitoral dysfunction, nose bleeds, vomiting, diarrhea, bi-polar disorder, Post Traumatic Symptom Disorder, Agoraphobia, suicide, homicide, herpes, gonorrhea, AIDS, compulsive masturbation, and never getting laid because your partner is a fanatic non-smoker. Oh, and did I mention bad breath? Is this sounding like a commercial? Anyway, despite all of the risks, I will light up on occasion.

Enough on smoking and more on Hard Times.

The crowd at Hard Times is decidedly blue collar, and the atmosphere is friendly. It’s a sports bar; big screens line the walls, so it’s a good place to catch a game.

The food is average. We’re talking bar food mainly; but the chefs do whip up a decent burger; and if you order it medium rare (the only way a burger should be eaten) you get it that way. The chili is average. Megan and I tried the veggie version the other night; it consisted of soy flakes cooked in a tomato base with onions, peppers, mushrooms, jalapenos and peanuts. Though low in calories (130 for every ¾ cup) we found it to be mediocre—too greasy and on the runny side. The Mac & Cheese Wedges, which have the appearance of a large chicken nuggets, but are stuffed with a tasty, cheddar mac & cheese mix—comfort food deluxe. In the past I’ve ordered their salads and found grilled salmon salad excellent. The salmon was grilled to perfection and the greens were all fresh. The food prices are moderate ($6 to $15 range), and food is consistent—if you didn’t like it the first time don’t think it’ll change the second time around.

Drinks are relatively strong as most of the bartenders pour with a slow hand. If you’re a beer drinker Wednesdays are special at Hard Times. From opening (11am) to close (2am) all draft beers, including Guinness, Harp and other micro brews, are sold for a mere $2.20—an alcoholic’s delight, indeed! Service is above average, and if you’re into billiards Hard Times offers some of the best tables in town.

However, if you loathe smoking, I’d stay away; because who knows, you might encounter one of those smoker creeps in the bathroom and catch one of the aforementioned diseases.